Memorable Toys of the Past

Don’t the toys of the past always seem a thousand times better than what companies churn out today? Regardless of the advances in toy engineering we misers will always considering our action figure offerings far superior to what you’ll see in stores now. It’s just a fact of growing old.

Here’s a list of some of the most memorable toys, dolls and games from my days as a lad, whether I ever actually played with the things or not.

G.I. Joe: Oh how I loved these guys. Wars abounded when I broke out my G.I. Joes. There were easily the most poseable figures of the day, and, hey, they promoted violence! Can’t go wrong with that, right?

Transformers: A car that changes into a giant robot. I don’t really need to say much more than that.

Barbies: As a boy, Barbie dolls were my hated enemy. That said, I DID enjoy playing with them when over at a girl’s house – however my efforts to play usually included subjecting Barbie and Ken to horrible fates the likes of decapitation, amputation or a trip down the toilet.

My Little Pony: My love of these is the same as that of Barbie. ‘nough said.

Army Ants: Molded orange or blue ants made out to be soldiers in a war without reason or casualties. I’ve mentioned Army Ants in several of my articles now, if only to spread the word of their existence, as not many people remember the little guys. Removable butts for the win!

Micro Machines: Most people would probably slot Hot Wheels in here, but I much preferred these micro-sized vehicles. Micro Machines were HILARIOUS good fun, especially since the brand eventually expanded into creating vehicles for a variety of different franchises, including my childhood favorite Star Wars. Speaking of which…

Star Wars: I collected Star Wars toys like a fiend as a child. They were the best collectibles I could think of getting, and I spent more of my money on these bad boys than I care to admit. I’ve still got ’em all, too, tucked safely into my crawl space.

Monopoly: Enough toys. On to the board games! We had many heated games of Monopoly in my house, most of which ended with at least one member of the family storming off to their room. This game is responsible for forming permanent rifts between a select few relatives, though I’ll not go into specifics.

Risk: Another HORRIBLY aggravating game. You could spend DAYS playing a game of Risk only to hit a stretch of bad rolls and be eliminated. And, at the end, you’d ask yourself: ‘Why did I waste all that time only to LOSE?’

Pogs: I only half-heartedly miss Pogs. I was never very good at the game, and whenever I showed up at school with my collection I’d surely lose all my Pogs of value to the play yard sharks. I DID have one awesome slammer shaped like a buzz saw, though.

Marbles: The precursor to Pogs, I much preferred marbles. We had a small sand pit in the back of the school yard that was premium marble territory. I was much better at marbles than Pogs, and had a sizable collection of Kongs to flaunt.

I could probably name dozens more additions to this list, but you get the point. In retrospect playing with any of these things was a waste of time; but all were fun in their own way, and I wouldn’t give up my days of transforming and rolling out for anything in the world.